Suffering is always personal?

The first instinct of every person is to compare, how many things do they have, are they happy, confident. We try to do the same with suffering, we try and make it into a comparison, we try and find the reasons why we suffer, why someone else is not and whether we are suffering more? However suffering is personal and internal, it can only be measure against our personal experience and history. If you have suffered all your life, a mere break in that suffering, a little kindness by others or ourselves can feel like the sun breaking through the clouds as anyone who has had the flu can testify, the first moment when we are not aware of the pain feels incredible whilst in reality it is just the same absence of pain that was normal prior to getting ill.

That is the way suffering operates, it is only noticed in reference to itself, you only get to be grateful for a lack of suffering once you have experienced it, it is the same with happiness, you only suffer from it's lack after you have felt and been present with it. You can only miss the lovers you have laid with and you can only feel less as a human when you have been more, no one feels poverty more than a rich person who has lost it all and has no prospect of regaining it, which is possibly the difference between an inconvenience and true hopeless suffering, the kind of suffering that you never get to escape.

A lack of hope is more destructive than any mere disadvantage, which can be lived with and overcome with time and pressure, there are many stories of people with real problems who did more than they could imagine (or at least other people could imagine). There are everyday hero who live with suffering, damaged past, a crippling lack of expectation, chronic long term pain, and they still turn up with hope and purpose, these people seem to have stumbled on the secret that a small amount of daily effort can have a hugely disproportionate effect for the good on their lives.

Which is good for all of us, that the difference between laziness and super-efficiency is far closer than we think, a novel can literally be written five hundred words a day, as Hemingway famously did, though admittedly he did so as he liked to spend his time as wasted as a still vaguely functioning human being could do for as many hours a day as possible. Whilst his example is not the best for everyone, it shows how a dysfunction person can still achieve and succeed, if they make that decision to do something to make their lives better and what is required to do that is hope and a touch of self-belief, Hemingway had hope that he could give himself a good life (by his terms) and the belief that it was possible, and can do the same, the smallest daily effort can change you life beyond recognition.

That is the difference between a good life and a missed opportunity, when we lose hope, we do nothing not even that smallest thing. When we believe the stories that we tell our self or have listened to the stories of others that we are hopeless, that we do nothing as we have no chance anyway, because, well you get to choose your because. There are so many reasons out there, parents, the system, the privileged, the rich, genetics, disease, any life situation you can imagine will have built in reason why you get to fail and it will never be your fault that you did not act. There is always easily available reasons if you want it, and it will be wrapped in gold and hard to resist, they will make sense and be absolutely true, but they are always a poisoned apple that will put into the cold slumber of hopeless suffering, without meaning, purpose or action.

There has never been an example of someone who did not believe they could do something and them then actually achieving that things by accident. No one has woke up and run a world beating marathon, who did not believe it was possible the day before, because there is no way you can deliberately practice running for the ten thousand day beforehand without hope of being better than the day before. When you give up on hope, when you believe your destiny is predetermined, that the cards are stacked against you, the system is broken and you are just lubricant to keep it running, you accept your fate. When people do that, you do not need an evil mastermind to be plotting against you, it just needs enough people to believe it, it needs to surround you with other people who believe it that you do not question the wisdom of the crowd that you are in.

However the moment you do question it, even the things that appear absolute and true, and you ask is there a way that it could be not true for me, action is possible. Sadly there is not a manual for your life that I can give you, you will have a unique life situation and experiences, you will have advantages that no-one else has and disadvantages, but there is always an edge, that gets you a version of what you want in a manner that is only yours and that is kinda beautiful if you can find it. There is always an action you can take to get you close to where you want to be, of course you do have to decide what you want first but that is another story.

I do not want to give anyone to have the impression that there is not unfairness in life, there always will be and it will be intensely personal and it will feel like it. That is because suffering is always personal and hurtful to you in particular, all suffering comes through the lens that is your life experience, we can not help it, we are a fixed point of view, we can only see what is available to us and it is only a tiny slice of what is happening in the world. We are always unique, but we all share that suffering, the choice we have is what we do with it, the suffering might give us a special point of view or opportunity, that does not mean that the suffering was worth it, however overcoming it, rising above it and choosing to take on the personal responsibility for your life is always worth it, it is what being a human means. When we take on the impossible task of being better, doing better and growing as a being of consciousness and awareness, we are joining a community of people that have hope, and that is well, hopeful. Suffering is always personal, and so is overcoming it, so enjoy the journey you have been given, and take some action.