Suffering as a waterfall?

Suffering is not consistent, it is a waterfall that follows you, pouring down from an unimaginable height, as it falls it sputters, splashes and dashes, it sweeps out and in, left to right, catches and bounces off itself, forming vortexes in the air, whirlpools that fall, as if it were intent on you never being able to quite predict how it is going to hit you next. A waterfall that refuses to let you know what is coming next, it turns up the heat and then whips it away returning to you to a state of ice water shock, it catches every inch of your body and then penetrates through your mind, it leaves a trail of erosion on your consciousness, and each time it cuts a little deeper until it finds a rich vien of nerves to play with. It is not fair, it does not care whether you want it or not, it is there always above you, following you, your own personal supernatural companion and it never stops, it is indifferent to your hopes, dreams and the only element in your control is how you react to it's relentless presence.

When you were born suffering was there, and you let everybody know as you screamed at the horror of having your first experience of the external world, the shock of things happening to you for the first time, your eyes opened, your skin felt the coldness of the world and your primal reaction was to register your shock by fighting back against it with everything you have got. Everything changes from that moment on, except nothing changes about the fundamental reality of your situation, you get use to one thing at a time, each new instrument of suffering you met without the expectation of ever running out of novel experiences, however at a certain point you acquire the idea that you have seen every type of cruelty and you that all you need to do is balance it out with pleasure, that it is the solution you come up with and you start pursuing it with everything you have got until you realise that it bring yourself a new kinds of suffering to add to what you already had.

That is when you find out that each pleasure contains a fresh way to suffer, a beer holds a hangover,, a feast leads to a belly, sport has injures, these might be the obvious downsides, but the suffering is even deeper down in the roots of pleasure, as even if you completely delight in a moment, the moment is passing as soon as you have it and you are left with nothing, love always leads to parting. That is the nature of thing and if you object, complain, feel sorrow, that is just pilling on the suffering, to feel the suffering of knowing the truth that you can not change, it might be meta-suffering but it sucks just as much as stubbing your toe and unfortunately it can last even longer, a whole lifetime if you let it, it is your choice, in your control, even if it does not feel like it, suffering is such a nag.

You might have noticed that your sufferings likes to form an orderly queue waiting for your attention, some of them skip to the front, physical pain is a bully, it demands your attention like a toddler on sugar, but behind it is every others form of suffering, worries, jobs that need doing, hobbies not started, opportunities lost, anxiety from uncertainty, depression from reality, the list is endless. That is the nature of a waterfall it never stops, where exactly the water at the top ends up is not predictable but it all falls somewhere and wherever it does it hits you, you are under it and the only thing worse is giving up and floating down the river to a dark country of despair.

Which leaves you with only one option, to accept it, to live with what you can not change, to feel this suffering when it comes in waves, drips or avalanches, to let it come, to let it be and let it flow away, you note it, you might even remember suffering it before, it passed before, so have faith that it will again and worrying about it won't help, it is just another way to suffer some more, friendly fire or not so friendly really. It is not easy, it can become a habit but it takes a lot of practise, sadly there will be plenty of opportunities for you to do so, though practise should never become it's own form of suffering, it is fine to not practise when you run out of energy, you can find distraction, good ones hopefully, and simple mindless work is often a comfort.

There is peace in the sweeping of a floor, chopping wood or carrying water. Though they can torture just as easily if you are not choosing to do them and you are forced to by circumstance to endure these labours. Though when you choose them, you are free to bring your attention to them to focus the whole of your being into them, to notice the feeling of your hands as they act, there is peace in these moments, as your attention is limited as most of us know. You can not put your attention everywhere just on a single thing at a time (you might be able to change to different things at a remarkable rate but ony one at a time) and when you are focusing on a task you can not notice your suffering if you are single minded not many are, practise helps and the pay off sounds wonderful.

There is no outwaiting suffering, if anything they multiply when you are not looking, when one is strong, others are being born behind you, the waterfall never stops, it flows forever, it falls on you as there is nowhere else for it to go, it must carry on and seek the lowest point that it can reach, the bottom of the lake, sea or soul, and even then it just waiting for the next part of it's cycle, it is fundamental to every part of life on this planet and yet even it's is just passing through from element to molecule and then back again. Suffering arises from the passage of time, change is always uncomfortable even when it is good, it disturbs us, we have to readjust, but even when nothing changes we suffer from that too, the loss of time which we are not getting back.

There is no hiding from time, it finds us even under the duvets, you have to respect it, understand at a deep level that it passes relentlessly, you can work with it or against, it does not care, you have to embrace it, observe it. Everything changes, including yourself, you are not constant, your energy level, rises and falls (as does your life), each day is it's own cycle, there is no point doing your hardest job when your energy is at it's lowest, that is when suffering creeps in that moment of least resistance, you can be exhausted and it will slip in before you can get to sleep. However time is also your friend, it heals, gives you perspective, pain passes, embarrassment subsides, mistakes can be made up for, forgiveness can be given, energy applied over time gives you the power to change things for the better.

Though the only thing really worth pursuing is joy in the current moment, not to hold on to, not to own or process, just the ability to appreciate joy when it occurs, we let it come, let it be and let it go. When you watch a bird peeking at a bird feeder, you do not try and trap it in a cage, you watch it and then it goes, there is no holding on, there is only the joy of the moment that sharing of consciousness where you got to see a shy, private moment of living, it is wonderful and rare, and if you do not enjoy it as it happens, there is no getting it back, that is time and energy in motion. The beauty is the upside of suffering, it is the contrast, one needs the other, there is always beauty and suffering, they go hand in hand, and in the same way as suffering it is always there and here. It has the same presence, it echoes suffering in a quieter voice, it waits it turn, and between each moment of suffering, there is beauty and joy, you can not see either without the other.

There is always a choice, to pay attention to joy or suffering, sometimes one is stronger than the other, but there are always options. Our attention is not a social feed that we passively scroll down, it is a dog that is rarely tamed, it is always active, it runs around but if you wish you can train it, guide it and make the choice of where it is going. You might be in a waterfall, however it is your choice if you only pay attention to the water or the rainbow that the mist creates all around you, there is suffering and there is joy, make your decision, it is always the dealers choice.