Keeping gratitude present?
People can be surprisingly forgetful about somethings, they do not forget regrets or mistakes, they stick around to spread their doubt and indecision around, but the good stuff fades into the background like an embarrassed actors without any lines, they do not know what to do with themselves as they has no purpose. We remember mistakes with such strong clarity so that we do not make the same one again, no one likes to be fooled twice and the mind protects you with the persistent of a nagging hen pecking at the back of your mind to stop you from doing stupid things repeatedly. There is no real value for the mind in telling you that you are a good chick, that you are strong, clever, brave, luck to have a mother, a clean yard and a roof over your head to protect you from the foxes, praise does nothing to improve your survival, whilst worrying does, unlike being grateful, that does nothing to protect you from danger, it just makes you happy.
The mind is only interested in your survival up to the point of passing on your genetics and then you are on your own, you are no longer important you can be as miserable as you like, it is all about the next generation. Being happy is not important, indeed from an evolutionary point of view, it kinda gets in the way, being a riot at the best party in the world, being mindless and care free can get you killed, when happy, drunk and stupid, you can engage in very dangerous behaviours, car accidents, falling off buildings and fights, they are all effective ways of getting you out of the gene pool. On the other hand being worried and fearful makes you seek close company and cooperation, death drives people together, fear of economic uncertainty makes relationships more attractive and even a power cut increases the birth rate. It is in the dark times that we band together, and so it in the interests of survival to make you think it is always dark, that we should be afraid and petrified.
The hope of happiness drives us forward, the idea that we can make our lives better is the motivation that has pushed and improved civilization for ten thousand years, and there is so much to be grateful for, medicine, science, technology and education are just the tip of iceberg. In everyway our lives are better not just compared to peasants but to kings from just a hundred years ago, life is longer, choice and freedom is greater, we have unimaginable luxury from food to entertainment, we can listen to Mozart whilst eating chocolate truffles, watch the greatest actors, read the best books, learn from master teachers and never even leave the house. Though have you noticed how you never quite catch up with the idea of happiness, there is always something more to chase and when you are chasing you forget what you wanted before and what you have now.
Our wealth becomes invisible to us, we only notice it when it is directly pointed out to us, otherwise it just fades into the background noise of our lives. Even in my lifetime, mobile phones have become normal, boring and essential, we did not know how important an internet connection was going to be to computers (and we had to install programs by cassette tape every time we wanted to play a game, not making this up honest!), there was only three television station, no downloading, streaming, no asking google or YouTube for help, the only way of learning was through reading books or asking people. Virtually everything I do now is based on technology that have been developed in my lifetime, but am I grateful? Not really, I would never have time to do anything if every time I turned on the laptop I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the technology, you use what you have got and you expect it to be there, when it isn't you are upset, we feel it's loss but not it's presence.
That is the rub how do you remember to be grateful without being lost in that gratitude, a little ritual helps, giving thanks for the food you are about to eat, lighting a candle in the evening and taking a moment to reflect on the good things in the days, journaling to take stock of what you have done that day either new and the continuing habits that benefit you. The walk you have taken, the ten minutes of meditation, the meaningful conversation over dinner or coffee, the fact you had carrots rather than chocolate cake, these are all worth celebrating even if it is with a bullet point list. You can make gratitude a habit, when I walk past the library (as I do everyday) I list five things that I am grateful for, I do hard things like taking a walk so that I am grateful to sit down and drink a coffee made by someone whose only job is to make coffee for other people(amazing!).
You can go more hardcore if you want and pursue the hardest things, there are runs to be taken, cold showers to be had, putting on a jumper rather than the heating, meditation to develop stable attention with broad awareness, skills to be practised, ukuleles to be played, books to be learnt from, languages to be spoken. There are so many hard things to be done and only limited by your energy and drive, and if your life is not hard enough, you can touch on and imagine the very worst moments in your life through negative visualisation, and then open your eyes and be grateful that they have not happened, be they, death, aging, blindness, deafness, you touch on them without dwelling and then return to your life, your amazing life, that you had not noticed.
There is always a miracle going on somewhere in the world, and it is present in your life, right now in front of you, because it could always be worse, that is the hard lesson from death, it will be worse, so appreciate what you have now, in the present, even if it is less than before, wherever there is regret, there is also something to be grateful for, if you look. Where there is loss, there was something worth losing, something you are grateful to have had, even for a short amount of time, which is all we all have, a short journey with the company of others on their short journey, so be grateful for that company, regretting the loss, being fearful of that lost, takes you away from your presence with the ones you love.
You can only have presence with gratitude in the present, that is the only place it exists, with you, right now, it is not conditional because your list is too long for it ever to exist if it was, and the list of things that you could be grateful for already overwhelms it. Even if it does not, there is always one thing that you can be grateful for and that is your breath, it is always there and it is the undisputed champion of things to be grateful, always first and top of list, as without it, nothing else matters. If you need an emergency shot of gratitude, just try holding you breath until the only thing in the world that you want is to breath, it does not take long before it is the only thing you can think about (note my lawyers say I have to point out that idiots should not try this, you have been warned!), though do breath when it becomes too uncomfortable and then you will feel the gratitude of having air in your lungs again.
It takes effort to keep your gratitude present, though like any habit it becomes easier with time, and it is worth pursing because the alternative is permanent worry, and that is a state of misery that can last a lifetime if you do nothing about it. It is a state that will keep you alive but is it really living? Maybe if there was no other option but when you know that there is a choice, it stops being something that is happening to you and it becomes what you are choosing, that is the burden of knowledge, you gain responsibilities especially to yourself, once you know there are actions to be taken, you have to actually take them, or that mind of yours will make you miserable until you do. Once you take the sword of truth, you quickly find out it is a double edged blade, once you know that misery is optional, the fact that you are choosing it makes the misery worse, so now that it is out of the sheath, you have to use your knowledge and keep your gratitude present which is always the best place to keep it.
