the curious awareness of joy?
“So where are we?” is the rallying call of the curious, it is first stage of curious awareness, asking a question with innocence, no agenda, no wish or desire to be right or wrong. It is having the urge to grow your own knowledge and understanding, and that pressing urge is full of joy, it wants to play, it possesses the desire for growth expressed through our mind thirst to deconstruct for but it is born of the heart's desire to bloom. The two are not just linked but interconnected, part of the same thing, different expressions of the same force that manifests in separate forms, and yet for some reason some of the most knowledgeable people are not very joyful in their explorations of the world, and some of the most joyful people never use it to explore.
It is almost as if we are trying to go on an adventure alone where we use just one aspect of our character, in a game where we are suppose to explore together as a group where we each supports each other, put ourselves on the line for each other, teach, bring our each character's strength to the table and win through together. As we all know solo adventuring is tough, one bad accident, unfortunate roll of the dice and you are out, the goblins are going to win, there is no one to fight the fight on your behalf, to stand over your body and protect you. To win we have to use all aspects of our character, it is easier to play with friend who can cover your weakness, however that is not to say that you should not prepare for the eventuality, if you can stand on your own, that is good, that is a goal that is worth reaching, but we all learn, and the best way to learn is through others, by being a good student, by growing in every way you can.
Whilst autonomy is a kind of myth, a beautiful seductive one but ultimately an illusion or a temporary state that hides a lot of interdependence, we were all children and one day if you are lucky you will be old enough to be dependent again, any independence we have emerges and disappears during a lifetime. And even if we shut down any emotional or human relationship, people are still there in the background, we still depend on others, through food, goods and materials, however impersonal other people still exist and are vital to us. Through if you do not have to play alone it is always a good idea to explore your curious awareness with other, let their joy or curiousness spark whichever you are lacking.
By work as group, everyone has to bring their own strengths and a honest appreciation of their weaknesses, and where joy is concerned everyone has a weakness. It is the thing that makes the being of human so valuable, joy is the instant expression of love, it is what love looks like in the moment, it is the moment that you light up when someone you love walks in the room, it is when love makes sense and you can allow your feelings to follow, they are allowed to become real, safe and terrifying. Or from the other side, your feeling generate joy, you follow the joy without being aware of the compass that leads you to more, that allows you to make sense of your feelings.
The downside of which is you need that feelings before you are allowed to use your sense, before you can experience it you have to open the door to something that is obvious to your thinking friends, your sense of reality is dependent upon having the key of feeling. And those who think first, who understands that being interested in the world, or in other, they have a curious awareness for the world, but miss that it is joy that they seek, and that joy and curiosity can occurs in the same moment, that they are better for having the depth of understanding and joy at the same time. You do not have to wait until you get home to feel things, you can experience it in the moment, and it is perhaps the greatest lesson that those who feel first can teach us, by leading with feeling, by being in the natural way of being in the world, they are unbelievably fabulous and wonderful in the way they are able to glide through life.
And yet, as in so many things, the grass is often greener on the other side of the river, as feeling are complicated even for those who lead with them, they contradict, rise and pass, what we felt yesterday is not what we feel today. The need for spontaneity is not want but a need, as their lives feel restricted without it, the freedom to feel a different thing at every moment, means that their lives need a range of being in the world, they need a calm life when they are calm, and excitement when they desire that. Which is difficult if not impossible to get from a single person, and it takes time and maturity to accept that you can not get everything from one person. What is need for a truly mature relationship is for that acceptance, and for them to decide what it is they truly want, and accept that some else can only give them their priority, their top three things and nothing more, and the rest has to come from themselves or from more than one source.
And the thinking minded, have to accept that feeling are unexplainable or at least effectively, it is the quantum uncertainty principle in action in the real world, just because it makes sense to you it does not it does to everyone else in the same way and probably you are in a very small minority (well, definitely, in truth I was breaking you in easy, everyone probably has their unique sense of things). The common thing is that we all have feelings not what they happen to be, people can just feel without having to explain them even to themselves, it is not just allowable, it is natural, and it is probably happening to you on a subconscious level, you just mask the intellect over the top of it, sense is safety and security, if you understand it you feel it less, and you even have a great advantage in life, if you are able to think yourself to experiencing life in the moment with the feeling of joy existing at the same time.
Thinking is a tool that can dig you anywhere, it is sweaty, hard work, but once you are able to think yourself to joy, it is the most repeatable experience you can have, you just have to remind yourself to feel in the moment, be aware of your feelings as they are occurring, trust your feeling, stand by them and know that they never happen in isolation. Those who feel just have to wait for joy to turn up and then have the thought to be curious with it or use that curiousness to generate joy rather than having to wait upon the moods and moon to get you there, you do not have to just feel what you are feeling, there is control. However you get to curious awareness of joy, it is worth the journey because when you know how to get there, you get to return there at will, and it is one of the highest state you get to experience the world from, it is certainly one of the best tools in my belt, I hope it is one of yours too.
