Purpose within?

There is surviving and then there is living in alignment with purpose, one is the prevention of negative effect, the other is a positive benefit, they are on the same scale but opposite side of the zero tipping point. Shelter, water, food are the necessary starting point of existing, without them you are three hours away from death by exposure in the wrong circumstances, dehydration in three days and starvation in ninety days. They are essential to our lives and yet they only prevent negative consequences, there is more to life than just carrying on, something greater than mere existence, you can persist in solitary confinement, you can be locked up with no human contact for years, it is a challenge to maintain your sanity, but it is possible to retain your sense of well being, what it lacks is a reason for doing so except for escaping the box, we need naturally seek a purpose and meaning, it makes us feel alive. It is a fundamental part of being human, we are social creatures, we need the presence of others to make sense of the world, we want to matter to others, not just for our resources but for the joy that we share together.

That joy might flow naturally from a place of love, we might have a talent for making people feel good, listened to and loved, it can come from the pride that they feel from our accomplishments, that we share a history and genetics, that we validate their story of who they are, whether that is parent or child. We want to be honoured for our values, actions and character, that we have worked on and become strong people capable of good action that is in the interest of those we care about, that our kindness is backed up by a firm compassion that has the long term interests firmly in mind rather than just people pleasing them in the short term. Which is definitely not being nice, it is being ruthless in taking the action that is in the benefit of a good long term outcome, being nice might mean being sympathetic, being good could involve pointing out how someone is wrong and acted poorly, so that they can act better in the future, and that is not a soft thing to do, someone might have to hate you for a while before they can love you for being the one to actually help them, as parents can testify it is not all buying ice-creams, it is mostly saying no to ice-creams.

Which can be a problem as in part we want to have a good story about ourselves, we want to be what we admire in others, we want to be a living example of what a good person is, we want that gold star for being a person who does good and worthwhile things, and some times you have to be prepared to have a bad story told about you for a while. You need to be able to live with people having a poor opinion for a time if you want to get to a better place, that is just a part of the learning process, anything worth doing means having to suck at it for a substantial amount of time, you have to look inelegance, you have to be clumsy, messy, foolish, that is the only way to learn. The only people who get to look good all the time are people who are not growing as being of consciousness, and when you stop growing, you are dying, which is fine if you are actually dying, you get to go through that process in your own way, you might learn to be present in a way you never have before, but no one is going to hold you accountable for it.

Not that anyone is really making you responsible for anything, you can go through your whole life without accountability if you have never chose to take responsibility and control, you are really the only one who you have really got to be accountable to, that is the battle I am concerned with here, so drop your ideas of others expectations, it is yours that matters. That is why I care about what I want? I know that without that answer none of the others make sense, you can solve the problem of what to do, once you know where you want to go. You need to find your own purpose or others will chose for you, if your family is devout in their beliefs, that is neither a good or bad things, what is important is whether it is your thing, unless you intend to live your life only according to their wishes, if you merely want to act for the approval of your family, as an obedient subject, you can do so, no one is stopping you, but you do not get to live your life, you do not get to have wants just obligation and no one is going to thank you for it, you will have just done what was expected of you, which is not accountability that is handing control over to others.

It is only when you take responsibility for your life that you get to live it, that is when you get control over your decisions, it does not make it easy, sacrifice means giving up something to get a better position, giving things up is part of the deal, we do not get everything, we get to make a choice about what we want and then we get to chase it down and we might end up with nothing, it would not be challenging if it were any other ways. That is the rub, if you can get it easily it was not worth much, drinking a glass of water is not difficult in a country with running water, but when you have to walk twenty miles to wait for four hours for the mountain rains to reach your stream, that is an action that is worthwhile and that you can have pride in. We are creatures of relative circumstances, we only win in reference to those circumstances and those people that we surround ourselves with, you can be every clever but in a room of noble prize winner you are going to be the idiot, which is not a bad thing as a lot of people can go through their entire lives thinking that they are always right and not realising how little they known.

And the greatest wisdom is to know that you do not know everything, that there are unknownables, and even unknown unknownables, it is an inherent fault of logic that it gives the illusion that everything is logical, or at least potential subject to logic. Some of the world is logical, however that is the world of thoughts and external action, that action which we share in the real world, that is only a small slice of our realities, our internal worlds, the sub-consciousness is huge compared to our consciousness thinking mind, emotions have their own internal localized logic, often unexamined and chaotic but there is definitely logic. In this landscape there are separate kingdoms each with their own queens and kings, customs, rules and power structures, each has to be experienced on their own terms and conditions, and most importantly their own needs and wants, thoughts are not the rulers here, you have to respect the local customs.

From our top down experience of our thinking minds, we seek to impose orders on these lesser kingdoms, the mind believes that it is the one that rules the rest, where the truth is that the sub-consciousness tells the mind what to think about. I hope it is clear that we do not know what we want, certainly not in a list form that we can just check off with the thinking mind's approval and then we will be happy. The starting point of finding our purpose is in finding out what we want, and that means we have to examine ourselves, our consciousness, we have to dig into our past like a detective to understand what has happened to us to get us to this point, in is only by finding the source of our issues, that we find the deep wants and needs that we might never have realised were there, though it is important to note that we should not dwell in the past, it is for visiting and learning, not for living.

Whilst it is true that underneath everything, there is either love or fear, how we get from us to the roots of our problems is the unique human element that is you, especially as we are cut off our own original selves by time and our unreliable memories (as they should be, for survival you only want to remember the important stuff like lions are bad for you). We are not looking for a biography, we are looking for the landscape, where the pain has stripped away the surface layer to make a gorge, where the mountain are and the beautiful forests that cover up the scars and trauma, this is a geography lesson not physics (too logical). This journey is the same for all of us, and it is solely internal, that is where we find our answers, that is where purpose, meaning, worth is, and is how we discover how we can flow with our lives, instead of fighting against the currents of our lives, we each contain our own purpose and meaning, the mistakes is in trying to find them in the external world first.

Once we master our maps of understanding ourselves that is when we can start walking with confidence in the external world, without it we are going to be distracted by everything that the world has to offer. We can end up chasing the wrong thing in the incorrect manner, money is not bad, it is a tool, if you know what you are going to use it for, go get as much as you need, however if you just get money without a purpose, it will just past you by and drain out of your life. Eighty percent of professional American footballer player end up bankrupt within five years of ending their careers, because they had no purpose past playing football and/or earning money, that is not enough to be happy, it certainly is not a reason to keep money, and without a reason to keep it, you might as well spend it to be happy, which never happens as it is a tool not a means to happiness.

Our purpose will almost certainly not end up being anything too grand, it will probably be spending time doing things we love, acting with love towards those people who are close to you, a good night's sleep (do not underestimate how important this is), to live in a healthy and happy way and to past on those things that we think are important, whether this is skills, characters, stories, our knowledge or wisdom, and normally if you manage to teach one person one thing you are ahead of the game. The world makes our lives more complicated than it needs to be, and hopefully our social systems will catch up with the human they are suppose to serve, but that is probably beyond your power or responsibility to delivery for anyone else, so for the moment at least try and sort yourself out, find your niche where you can be happy, and at least if you can not be part of the solution, you are not part of the problem, which seems like a pretty good purpose to have until you can find a better one, good luck with the adventure.