Is this thought helpful?
Whilst I have nothing against positive thinking, I would not want to live in a world of sugar plum fairies and unicorns, I do not need everyone of my thoughts to be relentlessly positive, an enthusiastic cheerleader for my life, sometimes the unvarnished truth is necessary and your mind is allowed to discriminate for danger. What I would like from my thoughts is that they are helpful and maybe even useful occasionally, intelligence, charming and funny would be a bonus, but lets not run before we can walk. However what I would really like to avoid is the unhelpful and useless thoughts, the repeated ones from the eighties, same old boring ones that you can not quite shake and keep on reanimating when you were under the impression they were dead and buried decades ago.
Our minds are not there to be kind and improve the quality of our lives, it's sole concern is that you do not die before you do the only useful thing (in it's opinion) and pass on your genetic information. It really does not care if you want to self-actualise, improve your knowledge or become a happier person, except if it improves your opportunity to transmit DNA, what do do with your life past this point is up to you. Nature is not going to help you, it is all your responsibility, your choice which is wonderful and terrifying, it is good that you can change everything, but it does mean that it is up to you and there is no one or thing that you can blame if you are an adult, mentally competent and healthy, no matter if it is the easy option.
However to change you have to start paying attention, which is not easy as your mind brings your awareness to the problem, danger or dilemma in a continuous, never ending fashion that never gives you the space to examine the source of these worries. That is not to say the external source rather what it is bringing your attention to it, or that the attention comes from you, problems are not real, but you do have real problems, and it is the “you” part is that is having them. It is how the problems affect you, that interests you, and your concern is how it changes your life for the negative rather than positive.
Paying attention to these thought does not mean you need to meditate, but it is a point of access into your thoughts that millions of people have found useful, so maybe do not right it off entirely. You do not need to if you have natural concentration (if you put your thumb and first finger tips together and can concentrate on the point of contact for twenty minutes you have it, naturally) though to be fair I have never meet anyone who has without practise, however if you do you, you do not have to use meditation to get that level of concentration but do not tell anyone who has had to put in the hard work, you will annoy them a lot. Though if you do, you only need morality or knowledge and you will be enlightened, which would seem to be useful and easy to get if you already have concentration.
However if you really do not like the idea of meditation, you can make progress just by noting the thoughts you are having, there is probably an app for that, though a pen and paper approach is good enough for most people. Whenever you have an unhelpful thought, note it down, ask why you are having this thought, and write it down, if you can find a positive element in that thought it is a great way of dealing with it, by changing your reaction it is no longer a negative thought and even if it repeats at least then you are having a positive thought. You can also give your mind the kudos it deserves for warning you of your problems and letting you deal with it.
Sometimes we have pain that we do not process immediately in the moment that we are deal with a situation, lost of any kind is difficult, it needs to be dealt with in pieces, we are not perfect, we need time for energy in the form of feeling, emotions and thoughts to move about and lose it's momentum. We are animals of time, cause and effect, we witness time and experience it, everything changes all the time, it is possible to have the illusion that the world is stable and static, but time always makes it a lie, and accepting this brings a peace from our negative reactions to this truth.
And it is our illusions and reactions, that guides whether something is positive or negative, it is our interpretation that gives our experiences value and meaning to us (and that is what is important our view and relationship to what has happened). The event itself is neutral, things happen all the time, it is about the only guarantee I can give you, change is always coming and things will happen. The human mind makes sense of the world, but that does not mean it is always sensible, it points out the negative in everything, it is it's job and sole purpose, as the negative kills, destroys and causes us pain.
Though we have the power to change that, our awareness can be in our control if we choose to make it so, for so many of us that awareness is an untrained dog poking it's nose into everything, indeed it will happily follow the lead of the guard dogs of the ego, that tell you what you want and what you should do. There is a choice to be made, you can leave it to root around, digging into whatever is in front of you, or choose to be in control of it, and the guide of whether a thought is helpful, is the simplest form of control you have, as it brings your awareness to a subject of your choosing, it is helpful, is a simple test, and one you can answer without thinking about it, yes, no. You can know this without even thinking the thought, though I often say to myself that “that was not helpful” and smile.
This gentle rebuke is all you need to give yourself, you do not need to be unkind to yourself, we might be very good at it but it entirely unnecessary and indeed a whole load more of negative thoughts to deal with. It is this very avalanche that we are trying to dig ourselves out of, negative thoughts lead to negative feelings in a accelerating roundabout, that in the end create long lasting negative emotional landscapes, that can mean years of depression. So give yourself a break, be amused by your continuous failure and know it is the most human of experience, be kind and try to have a few more helpful thoughts.
