Holding your presence with grace?
It is commonly thought that happiness, things and the fulfillment of ambition are what we really want, but underneath that there is stronger call, it is the pursuit of grace that enables us to have elegance and skillful action with others, ourselves and the greater chaos of life. We recognise those moment of perfect grace in others, a ballet dancer, a home run, a line of poetry, they may be passing and impermanent, but the joy they bring us, stays with us, they are an oasis to a thirsty soul. Why is it then that so few of us seek such a state out, why do we not prioritize our presence with grace, even when the everyday, imperfect kind of grace is available to everyone at any moment. Does the search for perfect preclude the good enough that is being in the vague area of grace, why is it all or nothing, when that sort of gracefulness is a delight and the greatest playground in which to learn to be better.
Children know this when they splash in a puddle even when it is imprudent, it does not matter that there is a three mile walk home to dry clothes or that they are wearing a flower girl dress. It only matters that there is a puddle which clearly needs to be disturbed and thrown in to the air with reckless abandon, that is grace, doing exactly the thing that brings you joy without hesitation, self-consciousness, purely focused on the task, jumping as high as you can whilst maintaining your ability to plant your feet directly on the surface to cause the maximum amount of displacement, and to do it without a thought of any of these factors, splashing as an act of joy. That is the kind of grace that is worth holding and having, and what did you a sensible adult do today that gave you the same sensation, seems like the kids are winning in this game, and we should take every opportunity to learn from them.
However the advantage that grown ups do have is that they get to do the same thing (not necessarily jumping in puddles, but something adjacent to it) with mindfulness and appreciation for that grace. We get to be conscious of how it feels, how we can maintain that presence, we get to notice it's absence and work towards deliberately creating it in our lives. The children stumble into it by accidentally, everything is so novel and surprising, they do not have the hang ups and distortions in thinking that prevent us from realising that it is missing, that mean that they do not get in their own way of feeling and experiencing grace. There is nothing funnier than a toddler falling over (totally a fact) and nothing more graceful than their recoveries, a quick roll and bang they are back on their feet, especially when they were rushing for something they want (normally ice cream) and forget to be hurt. We do not get to do thing in the same way, but there is certainly a lesson for all of us in their mindlessness, and when you develop the skill to be mindfully mindless it is a joy of greater value than a child's carelessness.
It in the presence with grace that we are able to act instead of reacting, we are able to observe ourselves and correct ourselves without judgment as a caring coach rather than a cruel, critical step mother. We are able to operate with the slowness that produces speed, slow is fast, fast is slow. It means that we concentrate on recovery from our missteps rather than collapsing inwards and crashing to a halt whenever we make a mistake, which everyone does all the time and continuously, and if you are not making mistakes, you are not learning, growing and becoming a better version of yourself, certainly not the best plausible version of yourself. For that to happen you have a fail a lot and it never ends, life is not a test, but everything is a test, a test of who you want to be, and who you are.
It is hard to not eat chocolate when you are someone who is denied chocolate but not allowed yourself to have what you really, but it is the easiest thing in the world when you are a happy and healthy person who eats chocolate when they want, just not all the time. The difference between the two states might in reality mean that one person eats fifty bars a years and the other a hundred, which over a year might not seem much different, however the difference in the everyday experience of the two is huge, one is a struggle and the other is a delight and graceful. Which means that it turns out that grace is an excellent compass as it whether you are doing something in the easiest way, if something is hard, needs the repeated use of willpower, it is probably not the best way to do something, grace does not mean something is not difficult, but that it is possible to be done without torturing yourself and increasing your suffering without good reason.
Grace is entirely internal experience, it is a sense much like our sense of gravity, it may be weak but close up it is powerful because it preserves energy and as we know we love the easy way, breakfast in bed, coffee served to our table and easy company. However these thing do not feed the soul in the same way that a little adventure and roughing it does, that cup of coffee taste even better on a camp fire that you built, collected the wood for and feed to a perfect heat, when you have built the pot stand and rest your back on the seat you fashioned from mere logs, that is a cup of coffee worth having at least once a year and it taste better than any barista poured cup of perfection, both have their places but you should never trade one to the exclusion of the other.
When we hold our presence with grace life is easier, it might take a small amount of energy to get there, like when you push away with a bike, the initial effort is hard but what follows is magical, the moment of freewheeling is beautiful, it is the payback for effort but it also magnifies that effort into something better, which is surely worth pursuing. Whenever you get more back than you put in that is a thing worth having more in your life, that is where you should invest your energy and time, it gives you space in which to work on the rest of you.
That is the beauty of building momentum in your life, it gives you the chance to build your strength in other areas, develop more skills and skillfulness, increase your competence and confidence, to be the best version of yourself, it is not a single challenge, but a continuous evolution, as you conquer one weakness, another comes into focus. Whilst it means your work is never done, it also means that you are never done, which would be the only thing worst than the first. Life is always new and exciting as long as you hold your presence with grace and accept the next fall as the chance to get up again. This is the human race, it is a race but the good news is that you are only competing for as long as you as you want to, and you can choose to make it into a co-operative experience when ever you like, we are all in this together, when you win, we all can win, there is a strength in numbers, have grace, work together and we will all win together, and enjoy a state of grace that we all benefit from.
