The distance that exists between us?

In this new era of social distancing we are experiencing an apartness that so many of us spend a lifetime trying to avoid, there is such a social pull between us, we are naturally attracted to seek out the company of others, that we often fail to notice that there is also a push. We feel it on our backs, behind us there is a fear of being on our own, that we are going to have to experience that distance that always exist even in the company of others, because for so many of us, we have never reconciled with ourselves. It is so difficult to actually spend time with that voice in our heads, even in the middle of the wilderness, it is still there, it may be a one sided conversation, but there is always two of you the one speaking and the one listening.

And quite frankly, the one who is speaking never shuts up, the temptation might be to distract yourself with every types of hobby and busy business that you can think of, there is probably going to be a record amount of house renovation, picture painting, scales played on the piano, books written, all in the quest to avoid listening to a voice. It is a relentless, inconsistent and negative source of company, if it was a friend, it would be the one that you avoid because they are too depressing for words, and yet because we feel a sense of authorship over that voice, we excuse it and accept what it is saying is true.

That is not the point of the conscious mind, it is not your friend, it is a radar system for incoming threats, it is there to protect you from danger, both physical and social, and as we are finding out isolation, real and complete isolation is the worst kind of punishment, even in prison, solitude confinement is the prison within a prison. That is because we rely on the group mind, that collective sense of what is right and wrong, we literally subcontract out our barometer of what is socially acceptable, as it is easier to see the madness of others from an objective point of view rather having to be both subjective and objective about your own behaviour. Without it we can lose our sense of what normal behaviour is, what thoughts are truthful and those that are damaging and arise from a delusion in our thinking, something that is easy to see in other and not ourselves.

We need reality or we can become lost in our own fantasies and version of what is real, and real is always better, it might be painful and difficult, but real has the benefit of truth, and there is no point in being a hero in your dream if it never has any effect or purpose in the real world. In a world of cause and effect, you have to decide on what cause you want to be, what effect do you want to have on the world, you have the right to have no effect if you want, though that will no doubt have the effect of disappoint with yourselves or those that love you. There is nothing sadder than someone who does not even want to play the game, who want to take the ball home and be on their own, the point of life is not to be perfect, it whether when you get knocked down on your bum, do you get up again.

That is the moment of joy that makes life sweet, to make a fool of yourselves and to get up again, play the game again, the greatest strength we have is the ability to withstand the pain of life, to endure suffering not meekly but with gusto and pleasure. As if you can rejoice in your failures, treasure them as friends who enrich your life, that is a life worth living, and you can join in the game whenever you like. At the moment the game seems to be who can make the most out of a difficult situation, so if you nothing else at least make peace with your own company, you might even find out you like yourself.

It one of the sign of being a mature player that you realise that you are playing the game at a higher difficulty level when you start asking the question who is the adult in the room, and when you do you find out the answer to that is always whoever is asking the question, is automatically the answer. Which means that you have to make allowances for the inexperienced player you are going to meet everyday, so you might be
playing the two meter distancing game on your walk to food shopping, that does not mean every else is, in fact most teenagers will not even realise that they need to be playing it, that does not mean you stop playing it. It could mean that you have to start that course because you have run out of excuses not to start it, you might need to start that personal development work on yourself, go for that run, eat better, stop drinking, or you need to accept that you never will be that person unless you take the decision to.

You do not need to do everything in one go, however if you are not going to do one good thing for yourself in the current situation when are you going to do it. It does not have to be massive, just choose the one smallest thing that will move you closer to your life goal or improves your life in some way, and then take the action. Read for ten minutes, clean the dishes, declutter and sort out your closet, check your spending, take the action and then when you are done, take another, take as many as you want, even if it just one, remember how it felt, and if you play attention it will probably the best that you felt all day.

Then if you are a rational being, it should be natural to want that feeling again, and then hopefully you will remember that way back there. That is what we are chasing the experience of being at ease with ourselves, so that we can repeatedly have the experience of being present with a state of grace, ease and joy that enables elegant and skilful action with others and ourselves. As when we have that presence there is no distance between us, whether that is our inner selves or those that we love, like and enjoy spending time with, love and loneliness can not exist together, so close the distance.