Why commit?
In the English language, having a commitment can have two different meanings, one is a state of being dedicated to a cause or activity, and the other is an obligation that restricts freedom. They are both true, one implies the other, however you have control over how your actions feel to you, what your thoughts are about it, as thoughts create feelings, thinking of yourself being dedicated feels better than being obligated. If every commitment was an obligation, the word would take on the same weight and would feel involuntary.
Of course, some commitments will be obligations, normally diary obligations, occasions that require our attendance, your partner's fifth cousin's naming ceremony might not be something you are dedicated to, and are only attending out of love for your partner. It would be easy to just focus on the lack of freedom, the things you could have been doing instead of your dedication to, in this case, the cause of love, and the opportunity to show your support for your partner. You could sulk for the entire event showing everyone what a great burden you are shouldering and what an effort you have made just by turning up, but that would be a betrayal of your commitment, you would be losing the opportunity to demonstrate your dedication, by being a delight, showing your positive traits so that your partner can have the social proof that they have brought a good person into the family who is able to strengthen the tribe, instead of being a drag on it and needing their support.
That is pushing aside, what is in your own interest, what possible benefit is it to you for something to drain your energy, when we feel resentment, restricted and obligated, you are moving yourself down to a lower energy. Is it any wonder that so many people get migraines just at the moment when they're doing something they don't want to be doing, that is not to suggest they are faking it, just that low energy invites in suffering. If you know it is just your thoughts that create your feelings about the situation, and you know that in the past these kind of occasions have caused you suffering, take the warning signs and choose to take positive actions to prevent it. We do that by changing the story, you change it from “I'm going to hate this”, which if you keep that thought in your mind, you definitely will do. Instead you choose the story, that “you are really going to enjoy this, you are going to have unexpectedly interesting conversations which bring you joy with people that you did not realise you could have so much interest in”.
And as you are going to go into the party with the intention, it will enable you to be more present, to bring your awareness to everything that is positive in the situation and that you are gonna be able to share the experience and joy with your partner. It will be a day to remember, rather than another event that your partner would rather forget or at least the part that includes you. For those of you who think that I am creating an obligation upon you to be perfect, a perfect date, husband, friend or colleague, do not fear, I am well aware that the perfect is the enemy of the good. What we are talking about here is honouring your commitment, presumably the commitment was voluntarily, you chose the commitment, and you certainly choose it by your actions, unless you are acting under force, but if you have chosen, be aware that of it and follow-through, commit fully.
If you found your have wandered into a web of commitment, and you have genuine resistance to it, you should note it and make a decision as to whether you want to reduce your commitments. However make it in the clear state of mind that you are making a choice, breaking commitments comes with a cost, especially if other people are relying on you, thinking out our commitments is a powerful thing when the commiter has knowingly taken it and is aligning their actions with their commitment to fulfil it. People have done extraordinary things by making a commitment either to themselves or others, people have committed to running marathons, writing books and even lifetimes to supporting their families, many a poet has ended up working in factory to provide their families with food on their table.
Whilst a little suffering may be good for poetry, for most people changing their focus from the lack of freedom, what they have given up be it surfing, drinking or sleeping in, and instead celebrating their dedication to the family that they are committed to, can change suffering into meaning, purpose and self worth. When you give time to yourself to consider your commitments, we think about what is important to you and whether you are actually acting in a committed manner to those things that you think are important. You empower yourself to know where you want to spend your energy, you have confidence in your decision, so that you don't just make the minimum effort, pay a minimum amount of time to satisfy an obligation. We make a commitment you do it with full knowledge and the intention to fulfil it to the best of your ability, by being the best version of yourself the best chance of fulfilling it, you get to do it with grace, ease and joy, because you know you are where you should be and doing what you should be doing, there is in any self-doubt or resentment, you get to operate from a place of self-knowledge and confidence. That is what a life of commitment is, being committed to the moment, it is being present which is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and others.
